The Lost Adventures

Journal Entry
4/28/2015

At about 6:30pm on a Tuesday, seemingly like any other, here I am sitting in the bus station in Dunajska Streda (another town about a 1 & 1/2 - 2 hour bus ride away from Bratislava where I originally got on my bus) because I fell asleep on the bus and missed by stop at  Štvrtok na Ostrove.

I didn't expect this to happen honestly (well I expected it to happen at least once before I left, but I just didn't expect it to happen today). And the funny this is that I'm not even the least bit worried. I feel completely calm and at ease. I know that my next bus will come around 7:30 (and will take 55 minutes to get back to Štvrtok na Ostrove), and if worse comes to worst then I can just call my host parents to come pick me up. Although I don't even want to worry them about this.

It feels nice that I could easily shrug and laugh of this situation. I made a New Year's resolution to not worry about the little things and be open to new experiences. I guess I really knew what life could possibly throw at me-

"Learn to say 'fuck it' when things don't go as planned... be open to new experiences... let life take you places, don't be scared of the unknown or the unexpected or the unplanned."

Life will always be a journey. you can either be afraid of it and try to fight it, or you can sit back and enjoy the ride.

-E.

*After returning home at 8:25pm from my 4 hour adventure of being lost*

Thoughts-
It was so wonderful to finally make it home. All day the weather had just gotten progressively worse - rainy, windy, and cold. Thank god I brought my leggings with me and put them on under my shorts just before I left school. And my big black hat served pretty well as a replacement umbrella.

For some reason I had gone into a mental adrenaline rush that significantly improved my Slovak for the time being while I was lost in order for me to communicate with several different people to figure out how to get home.

When I got on the bus, I had to make a stern conscious decision to make sure that I didn't fall asleep again, which sounds funny but is actually very difficult for me because I fall asleep EVERYWHERE - ESPECIALLY in moving vehicles. But I ended up just fine and finally reached home, where I went inside, changed into my warm pj's, went to the bathroom (because I had to pee that WHOLE time), and went down to the kitchen for some delicious kapusnice s knedla (cabbage soup with this special kind of bread called knedla).

Needless to say, it was an unexpected adventure that taught me that I can handle myself in stressful situations and find my way out of them as long as I just stay calm. Another good learning experience to add to the list.

-E.

An Important Message - From: Me, To: All

I don't really know how to start this, but this is something that I really need to be say.

I can't even begin to tell you all how much I've changed over these past 8 months. I don't know how to explain my experiences or describe the details of my whole year abroad. This exchange changed me in ways I could have never foreseen before embarking on this journey.

And I just want to let everyone know, don't expect me to be exactly the same as I was before I left. When you see me, yes - I will look different, I will seem different, I will be different.

I know that when I return home, many people will expect me to pick up where I left off before I left home - to carry on "as normal" with my life as it was before I dove headfirst into dark waters that I didn't know would end up changing me as much as it did. To be completely honest, I cannot remember what "normal" was for me back at home. I don't remember the way I use to talk to my friends or what jokes I would or wouldn't tell with each one. I don't remember what I use to do with my days when there was nothing to do. I don't remember the certain little things that I use to do - maybe through habit - during my daily life.

So please, don't expect me to just pick up where I left off, as if I just disappeared into a black hole - too far away to even exist - while life for everyone else continued on. And please don't expect me to be the same person that I was before this whole experience. Because I promise you, although I am still me, I have changed more than I know how to express to you. And I will probably look, sound, act, and just seem different. Something might seem off, but just give me time.

Adjusting to life back at home will be extremely difficult for me. Believe it or not, I had [have] a whole other life out here in Slovakia, the life that in currently only 8 short months became the "norm" of my every day life. And by coming back home, I will have abandoned that normality and be thrust back into the ways of a life that I haven't been living for the past year. Reverse culture shock is a very real thing - just thinking about returning home makes me nervous.

By making this post, I just want to let you all know that it may be strange when I arrive back home, but I just need time to adjust and get into a comfortable flow of things. I hope you all will understand and still look forward to my return.

-E.

Just Plain Jane

Everyone always told Jane not to look down at her feet when she walked.
It made her seem shy they said.
It made her seem scared they said. 
It made her seem weak they said.

Everyone told Jane not to be so quiet all the time, but to talk more often.
It made her appear ashamed they said.
It made her appear antisocial they said.
It made her appear nervous they said.

Everyone told Jane to stop wearing the same plain clothes every day.
It made her look boring they said.
It made her look tasteless they said.
It made her look ugly they said.

But always when they told her to not do these things,
she replied only with a simple "No thank you."
When they insisted that she change her ways to become more accepted,
she assured them with a kind "I'm fine the way I am, thank you."
And when they asked Jane why she wanted to stay the same plain way that she was,

She told them,
"I look down at my feet when I walk because I want to watch every step that I take touch the earth.
I want to enjoy every second of what is instead of worrying about what will be.

"I stay silent so that I can listen,
and I listen so that I can learn.
I am a person of few words,
but in turn countless thoughts.
Yes, it's true, I seldom speak.
But when I do I choose my words on thought and not on impulse.

"I wear these plain clothes out of humbleness.
I don't feel the need to draw attention to my body.
Those who know me will not measure me by the appearance of my physique,
but by the weight of my mind.

"I'm not saying that you are living your life wrong because of the way you are,
just as I am not living my life wrong because of the way I am.
This is who I am.
This is the way I am happy.
So no thank you,
I'm fine,"
She always ends with a smile.

So plain Jane no longer seemed as plain or shy or weak or nervous as they had thought.
And there are very few people who will ever know that there is something special about Jane.

*Written February 5th, 2015

1/16/2015

I can't stop thinking about home.

It's not that I miss being stuck in NWI, I just miss the familiarity of everything- the faces of old friends, the smell of my house, the comfort of my own bed, the nostalgic comfort of driving down the same roads every day.

It's almost the middle of my exchange year, I'm getting so close to the halfway point. Only 9 days to go.

August 25, 2014 - January 25, 2015

5 months

It's starting to become real to me that the time will inevitably come where I have to leave and return home. But I'm not ready yet, I still have so much to do.

-E.

What this exchange year means to me

The success or completeness of this exchange year is not measured by the amount of historical places you visit or the fun activities you take part in or how many people you meet or even the new and exciting things you experience. It's measured in the internal growth and transformation that each student undergoes during our time abroad. We can see and do all there is to be seen and done, but if we have not changed or grown or learned, what is there to take away from this experience?

This exchange, for me personally, has been the most eye-opening, humbling, and self-realizing experience I have ever faced. I have learned so many things about myself.

For so long I have only used the eyes in my head to see the world around me, but now I have gained sight through eyes I now use to look inside of myself. These eyes have changed and somehow sharpened the ones I use to see the world and have shown me clarity, truth, and direction in my own being and in the life that lies ahead of me.

I have also learned to let go. For so long I have brooded over things that have happened in the past and I often clung to lost hopes and roads that had inevitable come to an end. I have learned to move on. Once you finish a book, you can read and reread it over and over again, but that will never change how the story is written or how it will end. Eventually you just have to put that book down and start a new one. And now, more than ever, I am excited to take my life each day at a time and begin writing the rest of my story.

I feel like in just 4 short months I have learned and become aware of so much, but I still have so much more progress to make. I can't wait to see what else this life has in store for me.

-E.

Moving

Today (around 12:30pm to be exact) I leave the home of the woman who has housed me these past 4 months of my stay here in Slovakia. It breaks my heart that I have to leave, but I am given the opportunity to become a part of another wonderful family.

Eva and I have gotten along since day one! I've always felt comfortable talking to her, our relationship was that of two close friends. She was there for me since the beginning of my exchange and has shown me the ways of typical life in Slovakia. She has always been there to help me with things like buying my električenka (bus/tram card), showing me around the city, even simple things like my Slovak homework. But most importantly she opened up her home to me and treated me as her own daughter and was there for me every step of the way during the toughest months of my exchange year. She has gone out of her way to make me feel comfortable and at home during the time we have spent together.

She even reminds me of MY own mother in some ways - she's a great cook, she's a very strong and independent woman, she's very confident and social, we can talk about almost ANYTHING whether it's anything from day-to-day issue to politics, religion, spirituality, philosophy, or the meaning of life. I have definitely felt at home here with her.

And of course there's my wonderful host father, Ivan! He has always gone out of his way to make plans for the three of us and take us on trips as a "family." Every time we were all together it was always an adventure! He opened up his home to me when Eva was away on business trips and he also treated me as if I were his own daughter. He always tried to make me feel at home and always catered to any my needs during my stay. A day with Ivan is never a boring one, he's a man of many words and always has much to say!

I am going to miss both of these people so much, but at least I will still be able to visit them all year while I'm here! They have played an important part of this important year of my life and I couldn't thank them enough for all that they've done for me. Thank you Ivan & Eva.

-E.

<3

New Year's Tidings

Here are some entries I made in my journal about my travels for this Christmas/New Years holidays -

"Stansted London Airport
End of Christmas vacation in Glasgow, Scotland"

"Scotland is absolutely beautiful, I can't wait to go back. It breaks my heart that I have to leave..."

"I hate airports..."

"I'm looking forward to the rest of my time in Slovakia. I can't believe it's only/already been 4 months. Time goes by so fast yet so slowly..."

"I'm really looking forward to what this year has in store for me. This is a year of curiosity and adventures and journeys and new experiences..."

"My New Years Resolutions -

• stop biting my nails (that'll be a hard habit to curb)
• don't stress about the little things
• learn to say "fuck it" when things don't go as planned
• enjoy the simplicity of things
• let life take you places - don't be scared of the unknown or the unexpected or the unplanned
• be open to new experiences
• learn that it's okay to want things your way, don't let anyone walk over you or tell you that you can't do something
• reinstate a vegetarian lifestyle

2014 was a really important year for me. A lot of life changing steps were taken -

• graduating high school
• leaving home on my own to come to Slovakia to spend this year of my life traveling and learning new things
• I learned how to move on and let go of the past
• I'm starting to realize what my life means to me

2014 was a very important year in my life - a huge stepping stone. And now 2015, I'll be hitting the ground and taking off - in ANY direction I want my life to take me. 

I'm going to hit the ground running.

And I'll leave the ground flying."

Happy New Year everyone - may the sun shine on you, may life bring you many extraordinary gifts and surprises, and may you find happiness in your every day.

-E.